maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
