he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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