I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
