I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize