she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
