I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize