just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
