Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
