Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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