He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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