Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I need a beard to bite.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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