one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
