I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Randomize
