That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
