You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize