Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
