My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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