god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
