About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize