then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
