my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
