y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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