turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
