Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
