i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
