i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
