I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
