Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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