apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
