Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
