Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
