I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Randomize
