Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
