oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
