I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think my moral compass just broke
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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