drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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