I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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