I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
