So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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