Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize