Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize