I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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