she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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