I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
