If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
