Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Damn victory sex feels great
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
