The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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