And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize