Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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