You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Let's get the cat blown out
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
