My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
