Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
