Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
