i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
