is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
