When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
