dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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