Dual....:-)
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
