she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
