And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
