it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
