its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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