party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
