Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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