All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
