Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
