You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He is an equal opportunity slut.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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