just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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