he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize