when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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