I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
