oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
