i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
