I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Drunk is not a location!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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