we're blogging at a bar
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
