I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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