1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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