I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize