he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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