Cold hands, warm shart.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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