Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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