shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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