why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize