we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
