No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
