My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
