i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
