i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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