Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
