Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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