I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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