Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize