He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
