i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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