Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
