I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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