don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
