Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
